Oh! My 3-"0"
I have been very very bad about writing my blog or doing anything useful these last few months. You will notice the complete absence of a book review section because I haven't any books to review. I can, however, review any number of TV reality shows to which I have become sadly addicted. I love The Apprentice (CNBC), America's Next Top Model (UPN), Pimp my Ride (MTV) and all the 'Fabulous Life of..." shows (Vh1). So I am writing my blog tonight (at half past midnight), to get my life back on track.
This may also be a short blog because my days have been remarkably uneventful. I wake up groggy and nervous about the amount of pending work. I don't do any yoga or walking because "Come ON! I have too much work!". I sit in a bad posture and work listlessly till late (before you feel too bad for me, work = periodically checking the internet message boards for 'latest' info on my hot reality shows. Its really sad!). Then at night I can't sleep because I've only really moved my 6 typing fingers all day and am not yet tired enough for bed.
But this is a happy blog of a happy person. So I'll describe the interesting things that happened. My mom and dad visited for a weekend each. My dad loved my place in NYC. He thought the location was great, the train station nearby and he went out everyday. My mom also thought my place was nice... ummm... but that NEXT time, I should look for an apartment with balcony and view, and maybe even a basement... because THAT would be so convenient! Animesh was there when she said this and you should have seen his jaw drop! Mom and dad are both in Portland now, and animesh and I still laugh about the 'balcony and basement' suggestions. Aaaah to be poor and in NYC :-)
Later that month I went to Chicago for a week to meet my boss and my team. Everyone in IL is so cheerful and familiar. I went out for lunch and dinner everyday (and Lucent picked up my tab... heh heh heh!). The highlight of the trip was a shopping trip with friends from work. There are two things I really miss in NYC: shopping in a mall and shopping with girls.
When I came back, the apartment was exactly how I had left it a week ago- even the clothes lying on the floor hadn't moved; Animesh was having his final exams. I've always known that Animesh is a grade-monger, but this time he really cracked me up. He had a week old stubble. His clothes were not what I would call freshly laundered. And he hadn't eaten a single meal at home... not even bread toast! He was worried he hadn't done enough practice tests. He panicked when he couldn't stuff a whole semester worth of formulas and charts into the little 8 X 10 cheatsheets they allow. He sang loudly and tunelessly at 2am because thats how he deals with stress. Once his exams were done, he spent his waking hours feverishly updating the 'Grade Reporting' page on the school website and sleeping all afternoon. Hitting the 'refresh' button every so many seconds is actually exhausting work ;-) He got a 'B' in marketing and an 'A' in everything else. He is now on the 'Stern Scholar' list. I am relieved. Animesh is unhappy with his marketing grade...
Yesterday was also my birthday. A record number of people remembered to call me or send me email wishes. It was nice and slightly embarassing because I never remember birthdays myself. I bought myself an amethyst pendant and Animesh is got me the Burberry 'Brit' perfume that I like so much. On sunday Animesh took me to a spanish place called Suba in LES. They had a gorgeous flamenco dancer and a live band. Yesterday, he made me a dinner of tandoori chicken, chilli chicken and hakka noodles (this is indian chinese food). I also got to cut a 'tiramisu' cake at the end. Everything was great and I was very impressed. Animesh reminded me several times that he had put in so much effort and no one ever does that anymore (for his birthday in march, I took him out to a little known steak place ;-).
But the importance of this brithday is that its a milestone birthday. One of those times in life when we are supposed to sit back and take stock. When I was younger (much much younger) I had all these goals to hit before I turned thirty. I was going to have everything nice. A pad in the city that was done up by some young minimalist designer. Smart friends with intelligent opinions on everything. A high flying job where I had to wear a suit to work everyday... with pinstripes and perfectly matched pearls. Two impeccably dressed children with good manners. A very exciting husband... a sportsman even. And I was going to be adored. Judging by these standards, I feel I have somewhat missed the mark. I live in NYC. My tiny rental is decorated with stuff from IKEA. My friends are all like me... they are having a lot of fun, but its not like they own yachts. I'm an engineer, I work from home often... so I essentially live in my pajamas. I've worn a suit for interviews and been itchy and uncomfortable. I don't have children. My husband is a struggling graduate student. He gets excited about making an 'A' grade. And as a token of his devotion to me, he periodically does the laundry.
Does this make me a total loser? Should I feel bad about having achieved nothing of real significance? I have a lot of wonderful friends, a great family, and my husband is a sweet guy who lets me write things about him in my blog. I have a niece and a nephew that I adore. I like my job. It pays for my vacations. I can buy myself clothes and things that make me feel pretty. I've never hated any apartment I've lived in... even this hole in NYC. And I live in NYC... the biggest baddest city of them all! I would describe myself as a happy person, reasonably pleased with where I am in life. And thats more than I can say about the person I was as a teenager. I was gangly and inordinately diffident about my apppearance. I frequently had strong opinions about things I didn't know anything about (I hate people who do that!). I was loud, talkative and abrasive. I was fiercely competetive and had unrealistic ambitions.
Should I let an insufferable teenager with a runaway imagination pass judgement on a much happier thirty-year old? I think that question may be an over-simplification. As a teeneager I was strongly ambitious. That ambition has helped me become who and what I am. Is that a bad thing? And have I not become a little blase about what I want to do next? Am I happy or am I comfortable? Will I be happy with my life ten years from now if I change nothing? Will I feel like a loser? Will I feel defensive?
I think satisfaction is important. Ambition is also important. I have to learn to partake of both. I should always have goals... new goals that I can relate to at 30. Maybe at 40 they'll seem trivial... but atleast I won't be stuck with friends with intelligent opinions on everything!
This may also be a short blog because my days have been remarkably uneventful. I wake up groggy and nervous about the amount of pending work. I don't do any yoga or walking because "Come ON! I have too much work!". I sit in a bad posture and work listlessly till late (before you feel too bad for me, work = periodically checking the internet message boards for 'latest' info on my hot reality shows. Its really sad!). Then at night I can't sleep because I've only really moved my 6 typing fingers all day and am not yet tired enough for bed.
But this is a happy blog of a happy person. So I'll describe the interesting things that happened. My mom and dad visited for a weekend each. My dad loved my place in NYC. He thought the location was great, the train station nearby and he went out everyday. My mom also thought my place was nice... ummm... but that NEXT time, I should look for an apartment with balcony and view, and maybe even a basement... because THAT would be so convenient! Animesh was there when she said this and you should have seen his jaw drop! Mom and dad are both in Portland now, and animesh and I still laugh about the 'balcony and basement' suggestions. Aaaah to be poor and in NYC :-)
Later that month I went to Chicago for a week to meet my boss and my team. Everyone in IL is so cheerful and familiar. I went out for lunch and dinner everyday (and Lucent picked up my tab... heh heh heh!). The highlight of the trip was a shopping trip with friends from work. There are two things I really miss in NYC: shopping in a mall and shopping with girls.
When I came back, the apartment was exactly how I had left it a week ago- even the clothes lying on the floor hadn't moved; Animesh was having his final exams. I've always known that Animesh is a grade-monger, but this time he really cracked me up. He had a week old stubble. His clothes were not what I would call freshly laundered. And he hadn't eaten a single meal at home... not even bread toast! He was worried he hadn't done enough practice tests. He panicked when he couldn't stuff a whole semester worth of formulas and charts into the little 8 X 10 cheatsheets they allow. He sang loudly and tunelessly at 2am because thats how he deals with stress. Once his exams were done, he spent his waking hours feverishly updating the 'Grade Reporting' page on the school website and sleeping all afternoon. Hitting the 'refresh' button every so many seconds is actually exhausting work ;-) He got a 'B' in marketing and an 'A' in everything else. He is now on the 'Stern Scholar' list. I am relieved. Animesh is unhappy with his marketing grade...
Yesterday was also my birthday. A record number of people remembered to call me or send me email wishes. It was nice and slightly embarassing because I never remember birthdays myself. I bought myself an amethyst pendant and Animesh is got me the Burberry 'Brit' perfume that I like so much. On sunday Animesh took me to a spanish place called Suba in LES. They had a gorgeous flamenco dancer and a live band. Yesterday, he made me a dinner of tandoori chicken, chilli chicken and hakka noodles (this is indian chinese food). I also got to cut a 'tiramisu' cake at the end. Everything was great and I was very impressed. Animesh reminded me several times that he had put in so much effort and no one ever does that anymore (for his birthday in march, I took him out to a little known steak place ;-).
But the importance of this brithday is that its a milestone birthday. One of those times in life when we are supposed to sit back and take stock. When I was younger (much much younger) I had all these goals to hit before I turned thirty. I was going to have everything nice. A pad in the city that was done up by some young minimalist designer. Smart friends with intelligent opinions on everything. A high flying job where I had to wear a suit to work everyday... with pinstripes and perfectly matched pearls. Two impeccably dressed children with good manners. A very exciting husband... a sportsman even. And I was going to be adored. Judging by these standards, I feel I have somewhat missed the mark. I live in NYC. My tiny rental is decorated with stuff from IKEA. My friends are all like me... they are having a lot of fun, but its not like they own yachts. I'm an engineer, I work from home often... so I essentially live in my pajamas. I've worn a suit for interviews and been itchy and uncomfortable. I don't have children. My husband is a struggling graduate student. He gets excited about making an 'A' grade. And as a token of his devotion to me, he periodically does the laundry.
Does this make me a total loser? Should I feel bad about having achieved nothing of real significance? I have a lot of wonderful friends, a great family, and my husband is a sweet guy who lets me write things about him in my blog. I have a niece and a nephew that I adore. I like my job. It pays for my vacations. I can buy myself clothes and things that make me feel pretty. I've never hated any apartment I've lived in... even this hole in NYC. And I live in NYC... the biggest baddest city of them all! I would describe myself as a happy person, reasonably pleased with where I am in life. And thats more than I can say about the person I was as a teenager. I was gangly and inordinately diffident about my apppearance. I frequently had strong opinions about things I didn't know anything about (I hate people who do that!). I was loud, talkative and abrasive. I was fiercely competetive and had unrealistic ambitions.
Should I let an insufferable teenager with a runaway imagination pass judgement on a much happier thirty-year old? I think that question may be an over-simplification. As a teeneager I was strongly ambitious. That ambition has helped me become who and what I am. Is that a bad thing? And have I not become a little blase about what I want to do next? Am I happy or am I comfortable? Will I be happy with my life ten years from now if I change nothing? Will I feel like a loser? Will I feel defensive?
I think satisfaction is important. Ambition is also important. I have to learn to partake of both. I should always have goals... new goals that I can relate to at 30. Maybe at 40 they'll seem trivial... but atleast I won't be stuck with friends with intelligent opinions on everything!
posted by Nayantara | 11:34 PM
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